My Dark Night of the Soul

For those that do not know me personaly I suffer from Depression. This is nothing new to me. I have founds ways to cope and it is not much of an issue for to long. Well this pass week I have had a experience that was beyond depression. I was lost in a Dark Night of the Soul.

The Dark Night of the Soul is a time in you life where you give up all hope. Some say that this dark time is cause due to a lack of a connection to the Divine. While others state that is is a lesson in spritual evloution.  I belive it might be a bit of both.

I just went through a Dark Night of the Soul and it was not fun. I saw nothing. wanted nothing needed nothing. I was lost in the dark with no light. When my depression hits I usualy find the light and pull my self out of it. This was different. All of my fears and insecurites came at in a mad rage. Thought of Sucide were real I even looked up ways to do it and what happen if fail. I could not see the light of the Goddess. or the love of my friends. All there was hurt and pain. I did not care if i ate or bathed. I stayed in my room locked in my head of darkness. I  relived some of the most scaring emontional times in my life.Who the hell want to relive there painful past. I was lost I was enjoying the feel of a cold blade upon my skin. I could not ask for help I could not take what was there. I felt nothing but sadness and anger. I refused the love of the people around me. I was leaving the earth and all this pain. I started by removing myself from social networking. Now I am not online or answering my phone for anybod. People are trying to give me love and support; but I wanted to feel the pain and the saddness. I wanted the darkness.

Well I was lost in the dark pain. My coven members are having dreams of me. I also was trying to block them out of my aura. I guess that by trying to do this it has a reverse effect and created more feed of info. I was realy lost. My Priest and his partner came by to cheek on me ect. I had a chat with him which i did not listen with my ears. throught out the chat I saw the look on my Priests' partners face and it was turly horibale. After they left I of coruse went back to bed I been in bed for the past 4 days. I was trying to go to sleep and I keep seening that face and hering my Priests' words  "to help others with their pain you must know pain." . Well latter that day I finaly got out of bed. Some times when you are lost in the dark and you can not see the light is because you are not looing what is behind you. It took my Priest to come over and slap me with  light before I learned this